I’ve thought about healing a lot over the past few years. I have no understanding of it really except that the disciples healed as they went and I know there are miracles today. I’ve been in healing meetings, have seen numerous people prayed for and know of people healed, but as far as my own ability goes (or rather, any ability the Holy Spirit has given me) I am at a bit of a loss.
A couple of weeks ago I was taking a walk down by the beach and saw a woman who was obviously disfigured from birth. She was too short and looked awkward in her stance. I walked a bit further down the beach and sat down in the sand with my daughter. As we sat there I looked back up the beach and saw this woman walking with crutches to get into the water and it just about broke my heart. It was an incredible day and there were people running and playing everywhere…and she slowly made her way to the water among this. I knew she had never known what that was like… but being a grown woman I figured she had probably already dealt with those feelings of missing out.
I asked God, “Would you heal her?” …hypothetically meaning - if I went and prayed for her healing would she be miraculously healed. Then I realized God would now ask me to go pray for her. But I’m a chicken and I knew God knew it. I told him if he wanted me to go pray for her he was going to have to give me a big push. I knew God ‘could’ heal her, but I just didn’t know if he would. He didn’t give me a push, and then I begged God not to let her miss out of being healed simply because I wasn’t brave enough to be the one to pray for her.
That experience has stuck with me and so I was praying about it the other night, trying to figure out why that question ‘would you heal her’ had felt so intense, because God had not said ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Then he revealed the answer he had given me and I understood why it was so heavy at the time. His answer had been, “you won’t know unless you go and pray for her”…