I was thinking back to a time just after Ada was born (August 2010) when life was in such turmoil. We had been seeking direction from God for the past 2 years, and thought we had found it. The opportunity had arisen (or so we thought) to be part of a church on one of the islands off the top of Australia. After seeking God for so long and having opportunities come up that we knew where not the right doors to walk through we were relieved to finally know what we were going to be doing. It felt so right, and even though we would have been living out of a camper (this at a time when I was desperate to make a home for my new daughter), we couldn’t deny that everything in us pulled in that direction. Then the door closed and we were like a couple of stunned mullets. (If you are finding yourself in a wilderness a great book to read is Elijah and the Secret of His Power by F. B. Meyer, it gave both Matt and I so much encouragement – even in just the first few chapters)
Because we had spent 2 years seeking, before that opportunity arose we were fine about continuing on the ‘seeking’ road. We knew it well. But when we stepped off that path into a clearing only to find that it wasn’t, it was as though we had lost the path and were now lost in the woods. Matt got a job and we rented a house and we felt so out of sorts. Filled with confusion we found ourselves in a very bleak time.
The reason for writing this is not to make everyone feel depressed, but more to the point – here I sit more than 6 months later and I am so relieved at God’s wisdom and patience. I can now look back and be grateful for God’s gentle hand in all of that. That lost opportunity gave me the ability to see that I was willing to live on a dirt floor as long as I was in God’s will – because when you are in God’s will you can do anything. God used that missed opportunity to make very clear to us our motivation and desire to serve God, but in his infinite wisdom he held us back because he knew there was still work to be done on us. God has taken me closer and closer to him over these last months. I can now see that I sit before the King of Kings when we talk, but more importantly I sit before my Father.
We continue to seek God, but there is so much more peace, contentment and joy. We are eager to see what God has laid out before us, but are more able to take a deep breath and wait…